If you are a car driver, remember how you learned to drive the car? Someone probably taught you what all the parts do – the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the accelerator, the mirrors. You would have needed to practise until driving the car became natural. But there is more to driving a car than knowing how to move the car, there is also navigating, not just from A to B, but also any obstacles, potential dangers and other road users along the way.

I’m curious if anybody ever taught you about the ‘navigation system’ in your body?

I wonder if anyone ever sat you down and said:

“Here’s how your emotional systems work. Here’s why you sometimes feel FIRED UP to start new things. Here’s why you sometimes feel STUCK and can’t move forward. Here’s why certain people drain you while others energise you. Here’s why you react the way you do when things go wrong.”

What if you could understand yourself the way an attentive gardener understands their garden? Not to “fix” yourself – because you’re not broken. But to work WITH yourself instead of against yourself. To finally make sense of patterns you’ve noticed your whole life but couldn’t explain.

Think of your brain like a building with different floors. The basement contains your most primitive survival systems – heart rate, breathing, fight-or-flight protective responses. The upper floors house your thinking, reasoning, and language abilities.

Here’s the crucial insight: When you’re stressed, scared, or overwhelmed, you can’t access your thinking brain. You’re in survival mode – downstairs in the basement where the alarm system lives.

This is why:

• You can’t “think your way out” of anxiety
• Telling yourself to “calm down” doesn’t work
• You make decisions you regret when you’re upset
• You can’t focus when you’re worried

You have to calm your body first, THEN you can think clearly.

It’s like trying to have an important conversation while a fire alarm is blaring. First, turn off the alarm. Then talk.

Explanation #2: Your Brain Has Two Different Ways of Seeing (Dr. Ian McGilchrist)

Your Left Brain wants to analyze, fix, label, and solve everything like a puzzle. It loves details, categories, and step-by-step solutions.

Your Right Brain understands the whole picture, feels connections, and knows you’re more than the sum of your parts. It sees context, relationships, and meaning.

Both are needed, in different contexts and in different ways.

In many aspects of our modern world, Left Brain thinking has taken over.

We’ve been taught to:

• Fix ourselves like broken machines
• Push through feelings instead of understanding them
• Achieve and produce and measure everything
• Focus on symptoms instead of the whole story

But healing – real healing – requires Right Brain wisdom:

• Seeing yourself as a whole person
• Understanding what your emotions are trying to tell you
• Working WITH your nature instead of against it
• Discovering your unique path, not following someone else’s formula

Here’s a discovery that changed things for me: You have 8 core emotional systems operating in your body. They’re like rivers of feeling that flow through you constantly, whether you’re aware of them or not.

Most people go through life not understanding these systems. It’s like:

• Driving a car without knowing what the dashboard lights mean
• Reading but not understanding all the words
• Gardening without knowing which plants need sun or shade

You can survive that way. But you’ll struggle unnecessarily.

The 8 Primary Systems (Your Emotional Operating System)

1. SEEKING (Motivation) The energy that gets you up and functioning each day and the spark that gets you curious, excited, exploring. The “I wonder…” and “What if…” feeling. When it’s flowing, you feel ALIVE. When it’s blocked, you feel stuck and purposeless.

Think about a time when you were deeply curious about something – learning a new skill, exploring a new place, starting a new project. That’s your SEEKING system in full flow. Now think about times when you can’t get started on anything, when life feels flat and purposeless. That’s what it feels like when this system is blocked or exhausted.

2. EMERGENCE (Unique self / Intimacy) Not just about sex – this is your developmental life force, your vitality, your sense of being ALIVE in your body, your sense of who you are, where you end and another begins. When it’s healthy, you feel vibrant and connected to your physical and spiritual self (whatever that means for you). When it’s shut down, you feel numb and disconnected from your body and / or the world.

This system is about feeling fully present in your skin, experiencing pleasure and aliveness. When it’s suppressed (often as protection from past hurt), you might feel like you’re living in your head, disconnected from physical sensation and joy.

3. PLAY Joy, lightness, spontaneity, creativity, learning, fun without purpose. This isn’t frivolous – it’s how you stay flexible, creative, and connected. When you can’t play, life becomes heavy and grinding.

If you watch healthy children or puppies play – that’s pure PLAY system activation. As adults, we often lose access to this, becoming overly serious, prioritising productivity. But without play, we lose flexibility, creativity, and the ability to connect joyfully with others.

4. CARE (Nurturing) The warm feeling of connection, the urge to care for and be cared for. This is what makes you feel safe and loved. When it’s missing, you feel lonely even in a crowd.

This is the system that lights up when you hold a baby or a puppy or kitten, comfort a friend, or feel comforted yourself. It’s the foundation of secure relationships. When this system is damaged or blocked, intimacy feels dangerous and you might push people away even when you’re desperate for connection.

5. GRIEF (Sadness/Panic) The ache of loss, the longing for connection when separated. This isn’t depression – it’s the healthy pain of missing what mattered, whether that is a person, a dream, an idea, a routine, an item that you have become attached to and value. When you can’t experience and express sadness and grief, you can’t fully love.

Grief is the price we pay for love. It’s the system that hurts when we lose someone or something precious. Many people suppress this system because the pain feels unbearable, but unexpressed grief doesn’t go away – it turns into numbness, depression, or physical symptoms.

6. FEAR Your protection system. Helps you be cautious and safe. When balanced, it’s wisdom. When overactive, it’s constant anxiety. When suppressed, you take dangerous risks.

Fear gets a bad reputation, but it’s designed to keep you safe. The problem comes when your FEAR system gets stuck in the “on” position, treating everyday situations like life-threatening emergencies. Or when it’s been suppressed so thoroughly that you can’t sense or assess danger at all.

7. DISGUST Your boundary system, the home of your NO. Tells you “this isn’t right” or “this isn’t for me.” Helps you know what to avoid. When working well, you have an understanding of what works for you and what does not and this guides your boundaries. When confused, you tolerate what hurts you.

This system helps you know what’s not good for you – toxic substances, toxic relationships, situations that violate your values, food that’s gone bad. When this system isn’t working clearly or has internal restrictions, you might find yourself saying yes when you mean no, staying in situations that harm you, or feeling guilty for having boundaries at all.

8. RAGE (Anger) Your protective energy system. The energy behind your protest when your “NO!” is not being honoured. Anger tries to protect what matters to you, including you. When healthy and connected with care, you can stand up for yourself (self advocacy). When suppressed, you struggle to protect yourself or speak up. When explosive, you can push or scare people away.

Anger has become problematic in our culture, especially for women and marginalized people who are taught that anger is dangerous or inappropriate (for those who want to stay in a power position or who have been hurt by unhealthy anger). But healthy anger is your protective energy source – it tells you when boundaries are crossed and gives you energy to protect what matters. The key is learning to become aware of its lower intensity messages so you can channel it constructively and learn what is and is not a true emergency.

When you understand these systems, suddenly your own behavior starts making sense.

Those patterns you’ve noticed your whole life? They’re not random. They’re not character flaws. They’re not proof that something’s wrong with you.

They’re your emotional systems trying to help you survive, stay alive and thrive.

Examples of What Becomes Clear:

“Why can’t I get started on anything?” → Your SEEKING system might be blocked by FEAR, GRIEF or exhaustion from pushing too hard for too long. When you’ve been in survival mode, your brain shuts down curiosity and exploration to conserve energy for staying safe.

“Why do I feel numb and disconnected?” → Your EMERGENCE (life force) might be shut down, often as protection from old hurts. If being fully alive and present once led to pain or danger, your system learned to dampen all sensation as a survival strategy.

“Why do I say yes to everything and then resent it?” → Your DISGUST system (boundaries) might not be working clearly, and your RAGE system might be suppressed. You can’t sense what’s wrong for you, and you can’t access the protective energy in the moment to say no, but this irritation (resentment) returns to you when you are on your own (and safer).

“Why do I feel empty even though my life looks good on paper?” → Your PLAY and CARE systems might be starving while you focus only on achievement. You’re meeting Left Brain goals (productivity, success) while ignoring Right Brain needs (connection, joy, meaning).

“Why can’t I stop worrying?” → Your FEAR system is stuck in the “on” position, trying to protect you from everything at once. It’s working overtime, scanning for threats constantly, because it learned that danger could come from anywhere and at any moment.

“Why do I avoid close relationships?” → Your CARE system may have learned it’s not safe to need people, and your GRIEF system might be carrying unprocessed losses. Getting close means risking the pain of loss again, so you stay distant to stay safe.

You’re not broken or defective. You’re just not understanding your own operating & navigation system.

The Garden Approach: Working WITH Your Nature

Here’s where Right Brain wisdom becomes essential.

Left Brain Approach (causes more stress): “Your garden is wrong. These plants are bad. Rip them out. Replace with better plants. Follow this exact formula. Your garden should look like this picture.”

Right Brain Approach (a calmer system): “Let’s understand what’s already growing in your garden. Let’s see what each plant needs – some need more sun, some need shade. Let’s understand the soil, the climate, and your specific conditions. Let’s work WITH what’s there, not against it.”

Why Many Approaches Are Only Half The Story

Most self-help and even therapy approaches are purely Left Brain:

• “Here are 5 steps to fix anxiety”
• “Think positive thoughts”
• “Just push through it”
• “Here’s a diagnosis and a treatment protocol”

These treat you like a broken machine with interchangeable parts.

But you’re not a machine. You’re a living, complex, adaptive ecosystem. And living systems can’t be forced – they can only be understood and supported.

When you try to suppress FEAR without understanding what it’s protecting you from, it just gets louder. When you try to force SEEKING without addressing exhaustion, you burn out harder. When you judge your RAGE as “bad” instead of understanding what boundary was crossed or what loss is trying to be protected, you lose access to your protective energy.

The paradox: The more you fight your emotional systems, the more stuck they can become or the more they try to be felt and known. The more you understand and work WITH them, the more naturally they flow.

Every pattern you have – even the ones that seem destructive or self-limiting – made perfect sense at some point.

Avoiding intimacy? Your CARE system learned that closeness leads to pain. 

Can’t relax or play? Your FEAR system believes you’re only safe if you’re vigilant.

Explosive anger? Your RAGE system has been suppressed so long it can only come out in bursts. 

Chronically unmotivated? Your SEEKING system is protecting you from more disappointment or self criticism. 

People-pleasing to exhaustion? Your DISGUST system (boundaries) was overridden so often it stopped signaling clearly.

These aren’t failures. They’re adaptations.

Your body is brilliant. It figured out how to survive with the resources and information it had at the time.

The question isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” The question is “What was my system trying to protect me from?”

And then: “Now that I’m in a different situation, how can I work WITH these systems instead of against them?”

Integration: How the Systems Work Together

Here’s where it gets really interesting: These 8 systems don’t work in isolation. They’re constantly influencing each other.

When your FEAR system is overactive:

• Your SEEKING system shuts down (can’t explore when you feel unsafe)
• Your PLAY system goes offline (can’t be spontaneous when hyper-vigilant)
• Your CARE system becomes conflicted (need connection but trust feels dangerous)

When your GRIEF system is blocked:

• Your CARE system can’t fully engage (can’t risk loving if you won’t let yourself feel loss)
• Your RAGE system might activate inappropriately (unexpressed grief often masks as anger)
• Your EMERGENCE (vitality) gets dampened (numbness spreads to all feeling)

When your PLAY system senses safety:

• Your FEAR system has relaxed (play loves safety)
• Your CARE system strengthens (play builds connection)
• Your SEEKING system activates (curiosity and exploration flow naturally)

This is why “fixing” one symptom doesn’t work. Everything is connected.

You can’t just “treat anxiety” without understanding what your FEAR system is responding to, what it’s protecting you from, and how it’s affecting all your other systems.

You can’t just “work on motivation” without understanding why your SEEKING system might be shut down, what grief needs processing, what threats it’s avoiding and what needs to feel safe for it to reactivate.

You’re not a collection of separate problems. You’re an intelligent, adaptive, whole being of systems.

From Surviving to Thriving

Most of us spend our lives in survival mode, with our lower brain systems calling the shots:

• FEAR keeping us small and safe
• RAGE suppressed until it explodes
• GRIEF locked away because it’s too painful
• SEEKING shut down because curiosity feels dangerous
• PLAY forgotten because productivity seems more important

We’ve learned to override our body’s signals, push through our limits, and force ourselves to function.

And it works… for a while.

Until it doesn’t.

Until you realise you’re exhausted, disconnected, going through the motions, wondering why life feels so heavy.

The shift from surviving to thriving happens when you stop fighting yourself and start understanding yourself.

When you learn to:

• Recognise which system is activated
• Understand what it’s trying to tell you
• Work WITH it instead of against it
• Create conditions where all your systems can flow naturally

This isn’t about positive thinking or willpower. It’s about finally learning to speak your body’s language.

Remember the two ways of seeing from McGilchrist’s work?

Left Brain lens: “You have anxiety. Here’s a diagnosis. Take this medication. Follow these steps. You should be better in 6 weeks.”

Right Brain lens: “Your FEAR system is working overtime. Let’s understand what it’s protecting you from. What does safety look like for you? What do your other systems need? How can we work WITH your whole system?”

The first approach treats you as a problem to solve. The second approach sees you as a whole person with intelligent responses to your life experiences.

Both lenses have value. You need Left Brain thinking for practical skills and structure. But Right Brain wisdom needs to lead, because you’re more than a collection of symptoms and solutions.

When you see yourself through the Right Brain lens:

• Your “problems” become information
• Your “symptoms” become adaptations
• Your “flaws” become survival strategies
• Your “stuck patterns” become protective responses

And from that place of understanding, real change becomes possible.

Not change forced from willpower and judgment. But change that emerges naturally when you create the right conditions.

Like a plant that flourishes when you finally understand what it needs.

Your Emotional Systems Have Been Waiting

All your life, your emotional systems have been sending you signals:

• Excitement when something matters (SEEKING)
• Tension when boundaries are crossed (DISGUST, RAGE)
• Withdrawal when you need rest (FEAR protecting you from burnout)
• Longing when you need connection (CARE)
• Heaviness when something needs to be grieved and let go (GRIEF)
• Aliveness when you’re in your body (EMERGENCE)
• Lightness when you need to learn and be creative (PLAY)

But maybe nobody taught you how to read these signals.

You’ve been trying to navigate using:

• Other people’s maps (that don’t fit you)
• Left Brain fixes (that don’t address the root)
• Willpower and pushing through (which exhausts you)
• Self-criticism (which makes everything worse and activates MORE fear)

What if there was another way?

What if you could understand:

• Why you get stuck where you do
• Why certain situations activate you
• Why your body reacts before your thinking brain catches up
• Why some things feel effortless while others feel impossible
• What your emotions are actually trying to tell you

Your Body Is Brilliant

Here’s what I would love you to know:

Your mind and body are not broken. Your emotions are not problems. Your patterns are not random.

Everything you feel, everything you do, makes perfect sense when you understand the systems underneath.

You may be like I was, trying so hard:

• Working on yourself
• Reading books
• Going to therapy (and not feeling understood)
• Trying to be better

What if the next step isn’t trying harder? What if it’s understanding deeper?

Not with your Left Brain (analyzing, judging, fixing). But with your Right Brain (seeing, connecting, understanding the whole, the past, present and future).

This is just the beginning – an introduction to a way of seeing yourself that might be completely new.

Understanding your 8 core emotional systems isn’t about:

• Getting rid of difficult emotions
• Becoming perfect or optimized
• Following someone else’s formula
• Fixing what’s “broken”

It’s about:

• Learning your own language
• Working WITH your nature
• Understanding the wisdom in your patterns
• Releasing yourself from outdated rules
• Creating guidelines for your life
• Contributing to creating the conditions where you can thrive

You know that feeling when someone finally explains something you’ve wondered about your whole life, and suddenly everything clicks into place?

That “Oh! THAT’S why!” moment?

Understanding my emotional systems was full of those moments for me and I long for you to have those moments too.

Not because anyone else has ‘all’ the answers about you. But because YOU do. You’ve probably been looking at yourself through only one lens or not even your own lens.

An Invitation to See Yourself Differently

You’ve spent your whole life living with these 8 emotional systems.

They’ve been guiding you, protecting you, motivating you, connecting you to others, helping you survive.

The question isn’t whether they’re working. The question is: Are you listening?

Are you fluent in the language your brain has been speaking all along?

Or are you still trying to force yourself into patterns that don’t fit, pushing through signals you don’t understand, fighting against a brilliant system that’s trying to help you?

Your emotional systems are not your enemies. They’re not problems to solve. They’re your internal guidance system, waiting for you to learn their language.

And when you do – when you finally understand what they’ve been trying to tell you all along – things change.

Not because you’ve fixed yourself. But because you’ve finally started working WITH yourself.

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” – Carl Rogers

This isn’t about accepting and staying stuck.

This is about understanding yourself so deeply that change becomes natural, not forced.

Like a garden that blooms when you finally understand what it needs.

Your emotional systems have been waiting your whole life for you to understand them.

Are you ready to listen?

Even if I am not the person to work with (check out my courses and resources), I hope you are ready to allow yourself to learn about yourself in this whole body way.